3 Things You Can Do When Faced with Unkind Leadership at Work

Even if you don't have an official leadership role or title, you are a leader and can counteract unkind leadership at work.

“What can we do if our leaders aren’t practicing Kind Leadership?”

This is the question I’m probably asked most by people working on teams in different organizations. 

Here’s what I always answer.

There are three different things you can do: 

1. You can speak up about how your leader’s words and actions have affected you, personally. Use “I” phrases and focus on the facts and how they made you feel. Example: “I felt upset and discouraged when my ideas were laughed at and scoffed at publicly in our last team meeting. It made me feel like I don’t want to share any more ideas.” Your feelings and experience of the situation are your own and can’t be taken away from you. Using “I” phrases helps prevent someone becoming defensive and gives them a better chance of hearing what you are saying.

2. You are a leader, whether or not you have an official leadership title or role. When “official” leaders are unkind, you don’t have to follow their example. You can model kind ways to speak and act, and treat those around you with kindness. Others can then follow your lead instead. Example: You use “please and thank you” when asking colleagues for help or those serving you for something, even if your leader simply barks orders disrespectfully. Your kind words will make a huge difference to everyone who hears them, and will counteract the unkindness of other “official” leaders. 

3. You can leave! If the situation is untenable for you, and leaders in your organization consistently treat you and others unkindly, you can look for a new role in a different organization. It might not be easy and it might take a lot of effort, but it will be worth it! 

In the end, truth is, you can only change yourself. You can’t force anyone to change. And Unkind leaders may not want to change. 

So, if you feel that your leaders are not being kind, try steps one and two, and if you don’t feel better about the situation, make a change for the kinder and go elsewhere! 

You can’t change others, but you can act with kindness and make the choices that work for you and that go with your values!