Kind Leaders Know That Nothing is Perfect - And That is Okay!

As a leader, once you accept that nothing and no one is perfect, everything is actually perfect!

A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with a wrinkle in my retina. The good news is that I can still see out of my left eye and that the condition is unlikely to get worse. The bad news is that the vision in my left eye is blurry (like someone taped a piece of tape over the middle of my glasses) and it's unlikely to get any better. A new glasses prescription has helped some, but truth is I'm simply learning to accept that my vision isn't what it used to be. It's not perfect, and honestly, many days I feel like I'm struggling with things (like the piece of embroidery above) that were once easy to do.

I'm also cognizant that I'm not the only one who is struggling because things aren't perfect.

Over the past two weeks I’ve chatted with quite a few leaders who are struggling to get things moving in their business, struggling to get people they work with to cooperate, collaborate and move forward, struggling to make personal decisions and take the next step.

As people, and as leaders, struggling can feel frustrating and discouraging. We want things to be perfect for our customers, for our organization and for the people who do the work. Because if things are perfect, it seems like everything will be easy, and then we also won't have to deal with the reality that we, as leaders and human beings, aren't perfect.

But truth is, no one - and nothing - is perfect. Not me. Not you. And that is okay (and truthfully how it is meant to be). It's also okay to struggle. Struggling is a normal part of the growth process. When want to do something new, move out of our comfort zone and stretch and grow, it often involves struggle because we are doing things we haven’t done before, aren’t confident in, and are figuring it out as we go. Which means that things aren't going to be perfect.

Like doing embroidery with a wrinkle in my retina.

As I struggled to thread the needle (it's hard to find the eye of the needle when everything looks double), then struggled to place the stitches properly (it was blurry and hard to see where the guidelines started and stopped) I felt frustrated and discouraged. My embroidery wasn't - and wouldn't no matter how hard I tried - be perfect.

If it wouldn't be perfect, what was the point of struggling? What was the point of putting myself through the discomfort and frustration?

As I reflected over the next few days, here's what I determined:

• When I looked at each stitch individually, it was perfect. It was only when I compared one stitch to another, did I struggle with "imperfection". Each stitch was fine. It started under the fabric, went straight across, then disappeared into the fabric again. There were no knots, no missed places, nothing. Each stitch did exactly what it was supposed to be. The frustration came in seeing that some stitches were shorter or longer than each other. Some closer together than others. But, each, on it's own was perfect. Since I had no "standard" of what a "better" or "perfect" one was, comparing one to the other was pointless. I simply took my own enjoyment in the act of stitching away. I manufactured my own struggle.

• When I looked at the "whole", I just saw the beauty of the entire pattern. Even though the stitches weren't actually exactly the same length, and spaced exactly evenly, I didn't notice when I looked at the entirety. It wasn't even apparent from a foot away. Since I added each stitch to form the entirety, getting stuck in my own self-judgment of individual stitches was counterproductive. And just made me feel like I was struggling, even when I was happy and satisfied with the end result and outcome!

As a leader, it's easy to get stuck in the habit of comparing team members to each other and also to forget to zoom out and see that the big picture is actually pretty beautiful despite some variation during the process.

When leading people we need to remember that each one is different. And that each is learning and growing at a different pace. Their current "stitch" might not look exactly like someone else's, and that is okay. We can make sure that they know the "standard" and help them practice the skills they need to get there. It might involve struggle for them (and for us as we try to be kind and patient and helpful), but that is okay! Just like you, it's how they will learn!

We also need to remember that as a leader, we can help everyone who follows us understand that in a community the differences people have help create the beauty of the entirety. It's okay for some people to be less good at something than others. They will likely be better at something than others as well. They don't need to be perfect at everything. They need to contribute to their best ability and struggle as they learn and grow.

And lastly, as a leader, you need to remember to practice self-kindness as well as kindness to others. You are not perfect and you don't need to be. You will struggle. And in that struggle you will learn how to be empathetic and compassionate with others who are struggling, and you will learn to be kinder to yourself.

As I continue to learn how to get along in my new reality of not seeing the same way as I used to, I've realized that I have received a gift of a new perspective on perfection and struggle.The retina specialist and my eye doctor are doing what they can to improve my vision, my best friend sent me a lighted magnifier to clip to the surface of wherever I’m working, and over time and some struggle, I’ll figure out ways to continue to make the things I love to do easier and better! I'll also learn how to help others with their struggles with perfectionism and other things as well.

If you are a leader who is struggling with imperfection (your own or others') today, please remind yourself that it is a normal part of life and leadership. Reach out and ask others how you can help and for help! Treat yourself kindly! Give yourself and those you lead the time and help to figure things out!

Because nothing and no one is perfect, and once you accept that, it will all be perfectly okay!

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Thanks to my friend and fabulous client Glen Weppler for inspiring this reflection and post!